Alexander the Great

Any writer would understand what I always refer to as "the writer's itch". It would often strike me in the middle of night and force me to press my pen to paper. For years I kept a journal at my bedside and wrote some of my best pieces during this time. This "writer's itch" that I am referring to is a glimpse, an idea, an insight, a surge of words that you cannot release from your memory. It becomes an obsession until you HAVE to write it down. I felt this today as I drove my son home from surgery. I realized I had to share these words.

I always vowed as I started my blog that it would be my expression. A modern day journal if you will. However with one click of  "publish" I would be sharing this piece with the entire cyber world. Not just the greater Cleveland area via "The Plain Dealer" or individuals looking for insight through poetry. I wanted to making it about Mommyhood, a Mommy's perspective and less about my children. I wasnt comfortable to sharing their names or identities. Until today.

We chose to not determine the gender of our child this pregnancy. We wanted to try the surprise game this time! Although I tell you I knew the gender. Not via confirmed ultrasounds, but by mother's instinct. My Husband asked me what I thought of "Alexander" one morning. I knew that was it, I knew he would Alexander. I truly feel God sends us these names, names that clearly define us as people.

Quickly I began to search....what did this name mean? What would he have to live up to? Then I saw it, "defender of man, warrior". I knew then I was about to bring a great man into this world. I would be HIS Mother!

Over the past 11 months, Alexander has brought so much to this world. He has a way of making his presence known without saying a word. A smile strikes his face and the world stops.

Alexander has had to face some challenges this first year of life. May seem minimal to some, but so large to his family. Yet, with each challenge he suprises us with his unrelenting strength and courage. He brings a sweetness to everything bitter. He carries a smile when he confronts a tear.

I feel so proud to call myself his Mother. To know that he is an extension of MY heart. For him to always carry a piece of me with every breath of his life.

I witnessed him confront another challenge in his life today. His pleasant demeanor and positive attitude carried him through without a tear. My reassuring touch brought a smile to his face and his sweet nature examined his surroundings knowing he was safe and secure. Once again, no one in the facility would have known there was an 11 month old in the center. He was brave, he was docile, and at times I felt he was comforting me.

Alexander the Great was a man known in history who conquered and created an empire. He will always be known as a man of strength and courage. I feel my Husband and I have given the world a gift with OUR Son.

MY Alexander the great will forever be the boy who showed me what being a Mom REALLY means. He forced me to face things I never imagined. Situations I never thought imaginable...an inner fortitude I never knew I had. Benjamin may have made me a Mommy, but Alexander taught me HOW to be a Mommy. He showed me that through strength and courage we can conquer anything. There is no battle this little boy can not smile his way through. There is no challenge that he cannot recreate into joy.

I find myself saying daily, "He is such a good baby" and I discovered today that I need to change my train of thought. He IS a warrior, his strength is unprecedented, and his spirit is pure. His soul touches each of us that are privileged to know Our Lil Alexander the Great!

We love you Alexander.

"...And when you smile
The whole world stops and stares for a while.."

Alexander and his Big Brother

 Before/ After Surgery

Through the looking glass....

     As I stood at the checkout counter at one of my favorite stores I saw a woman who looked quite familiar to me. 
     She stood, confident and sure. Hair curled and placed perfectly so. Each brush stroke of her eye shadow layered articulately and her lipstick stained her perfectly pouted lips. She appeared overdressed for the occasion, but yet up on trends and confident enough to not care. Her heels caused her to tower the counter yet she carried herself gracefully as she placed the entire summer collection on the store counter. 
     I watched as she unzipped her Prada wallet and whipped out her credit card without a budget in mind. It was then I could feel myself standing taller, sucking in the remnants of a combined 18 months of pregnancy that my spanx just could not control. The room felt warm...maybe it was the 68 degree day, or maybe insecutiry setting in. 
     I left the store. I felt defeated. I walked pushing my bus, er, double stroller as fast as I could. I caught a glance of myself in the window...I walked faster. Ugh AGAIN, there I was....who is that?!?! I thought....Who am I?!?! WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME?!?!?!
    So yes, I went shopping at an upscale outdoor shopping venue in my area. And I went there in jeans that hugged me a little too tightly in the waist and a little too loosely in the legs. I wore tennis shoes and had my hair in a sloppy pony tail. I hoped the proper positioning of my sunglasses would hold back the untamed strands of hair that were so in need of a fresh cut. I wore a long sweater anticipating the need to cover the spit-up that may have been ejected on my left shoulder after lunch time. I had enough makeup on to make me appear decent and did I even have lipstick on?!?! Eyeliner is a definite no. 
     It was then I realized....through this looking glass I saw myself. Quite possibly around 5 years ago. Perfectly put together. Enjoying life, enjoying marriage, enjoying my career. Limited worries, yet I knew deep down something was always missing.
    I swung my way back around by the store and saw this woman strutting to her car as if she was walking the streets of NYC. It was then I realized there was an incredible glare on this looking glass. As I felt myself envying this woman I tried to look around this glare and watch her every move. The glare became so intense that I could barely see her, as if she was disappearing. I repositioned my sunglasses, and felt my hair fall to my face. I glanced down at my freight train, ah hem...I mean double stroller, and realized that I was, in fact, no longer THAT woman. And yes, my reflection has certainly changed. I didn't haven to run from it, I did not have to flee. 
    I slowed down my previous pace and stopped my mack truck, UGH STROLLER, and took a long look at what I saw in the window. I stood there and open, naked only to be judged by myself, my harshest critic. I smiled at the thought of how far Ive come. I saw the woman these children are responsible for creating, the life they have given me, the lessons they have taught me. I saw pure beauty.
     It was then I realized, not only did the reflection in the window include a woman who may not be perfectly placed or perfectly put together.... it did include a woman was in the most perfect place of all...with her two beautiful children on a Monday afternoon strolling in an outdoor shopping venue without a care in the world!

     I stand proudly and confidently to say THAT WOMAN IN THE WINDOW, with the steamboat, errrr....I mean double stroller, IS ME!

The beginning of yet another Mommy Blogger....

Who am I? Wow, I am sitting here beginning my first blog post...sort of as a therapy for myself and possibly an aid to others. I have always found that through the written word that I seem to find myself at home. I decided to write a blog because writing always took me to a place that I didn't know existed. A place to move me away and connect with the thoughts that were tangled within my head. 

Well, here I am. Starring at a blank "piece of paper", sharing my thoughts with virtually the world, if anyone should be interested in hearing from me. You write what you know, so what do I know!?!?! Well, I am a Mommy of 2 (ages 3 years and 13 weeks), a wife to a wonderful Man I have known for half of my life, a daughter to two wonderful parents, and a sister to 3 brothers and 2 sisters. How could I forget....and an Aunt to a niece and nephew! Whew....after all that, I sure have alot of love in my life. 

My chosen profession in life is a Registered Nurse. Something I worked so very hard to obtain, only to take a back seat the moment I laid my eyes on my first born!

So this is what I plan to center my blog around....my 2 wonderful boys. I plan to use this as my journal, a memoir, and possibly even teach a thing or two that I have learned along the way. I started to write a "memoir" after my first son was born, but after a few months it lost its steam...

I cloth diaper my two boys, I am an advocate of baby wearing, and you can follow me on my journey of making homemade baby food this time around. I am so excited....I will keep you updated!  I am also 5 months into being a stay at home Mom and at times ponder returning back to the work force.

I was once a woman who never left the house without a hair out of place...and now I am lucky not to have it in a pony tail. My Dad used to mock me and say he couldnt wait until I had a family b.c I would be vacuuming in a dress like June Cleaver....well Dad, not so much! However, you know I am having a good day when I don my pearls and curl my hair! :)I guess I prefer a few minutes of snuggling over a few minutes in the shower :)

I hope everyone enjoys my journey of Motherhood as I document it here....I apologize in advance if I wine too much....or gloat too much... I tell it how it is. I am not the one to sugar coat. I wont tell you everything is perfect and then close the door in tears, but Ill also share the moments that make all the difficult ones so worth it!

That is me in a nutshell. A Registered Nurse turned Stay at home Mom, A wife turned housekeeper, er COO, and a daughter turned a Mommy! 

HAPPY READING! :) 


***I despise judgmental people, if you should read my blog know that EVERYTHING comes from a nonjudgmental place. Also, know that judgemental comments are not welcome here....You never know someone's situation until you have walked a mile in their shoes.***